i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
