based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
