I could make wine with my vomit
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
