I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
he thought i was a dude.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize