I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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