my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
