great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
You're like the curious george of whores
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
