If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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