All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
