if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
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