Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
