I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
