More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
