In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
