I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
