I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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