I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
