Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
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