I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
