Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
