The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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