No awkward lesbian experiences without me
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
