You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Randomize
