I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize