I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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