there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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