yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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