apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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