I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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