Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
