How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
