I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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