you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
