Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
