Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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