we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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