i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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