so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Even my vagina gasped.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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