i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
