Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
