my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
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