Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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