the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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