Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
