If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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