ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
