OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
