this boner is exhausting
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
