You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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