Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
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I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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