great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
