my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
