Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
