I wish they made helmets for livers.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
