if i died would you start the facebook group?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
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I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
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Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
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