The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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