So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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