And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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