last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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