i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
