so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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