Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
