apparently the secret to your success is patron
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
