JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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