the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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