I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
