just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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