I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
